FATHER'S DAY: SONGS ABOUT DAD
This is the weekend where we examine the impact great
fathers have made upon history. From the
Bible, where the landscape is littered with the actions of fathers. Who could forget the long walk Abraham and
his son took in Genesis? Adam, the first
father, raised a fine bunch of stand-up children. And what about the Big Father himself --
Jesus' daddy -- who sent him on an all-important mission?
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| Chip off the Old Block |
Charlie Lawson of Stokes County, North Carolina, probably
never got his fair share of Father's Day ties.
Without the seed Marvin Gaye Sr., we would never have experienced the
sweet soulful sounds of such hits as "Sexual Healing" or "I
Heard it Through the Grapevine." And
who wouldn't want to be adopted by Woody Allen?
But even if your father is a dick, there's still reason to
celebrate Father's Day this year.
Remember the end of Return of the
Jedi, where after years and years of Darth Vader acting like an asshole, he
still lent Luke a hand (no pun intended) when he needed it most. And after Rick Moranis both shrunk and blew up the kids, did he or did he
not seek and find the antidote to return them to normal with no body
count? And on Game of Thrones, even though Dad is absolutely shitty to his midget
son and incestuous other children, doesn't he risk life and limb to repel the
forces of Stannis Baratheon, the one true king?
Of course, those instances are from fiction, but it's only
one day per year and, nine times out of ten, he's not asking for much. Just give him a beer and some raw meat and
let him be. And if that doesn't do it,
give the bastard what he really needs....
TOP TEN SONGS FOR DADDY ON FATHER'S DAY
I know what you are thinking: why on Earth would I want to
hurt my daddy? But I encourage you to
stop and consider this question very carefully.
Think. Go back as far as your
cognizant memory will allow. If you're
like me, you've mentally blocked out several of the reasons. See a shrink (or two) if you need to. Hypnotherapy can get most of that out. Write a book.
If you have to, use the journals you've been keeping since junior
high. Close your eyes and remember. Got it now?
That's step one. Step two: wait
patiently. He will not be bigger than
you forever. Bide your time...
One of my lifelong goals is to learn to play this song on
the guitar and serenade my father.
Because, after all, he made me this way.
This song combines two of my favorite passions: sultry music and
daddy issues. And trust me, if it weren't for Daddy Issues, I'd never get laid.
daddy issues. And trust me, if it weren't for Daddy Issues, I'd never get laid.
One of the greatest bluesmen of all time has a knack for
getting autobiographical. Here he paints
a picture of a night of discord in his childhood family home in which he schools
his own family that they "never get too old to learn." You hear that, Dad?
Ah, a twin bill. This
one is for both the angry boys and girls from the iconic 1980s (plenty of
consideration was given to Captain Lou Albano's riveting performance in "Girls Just Wanna Have
Fun"). These two songs allowed
Gen-Xers to stick it to their daddys via music video, that is, until he came in
and told you it was time to turn off the TV and go to bed.
If you are like me, you can't withstand the sound of a belt
slipping through belt loops without severe episodes of PTSD. But there is something to be said for the
catharsis provided by a song about a man who grows up to discover his father is
a dick. That's right Dad, I said catharsis. Ask Mom where the dictionary is and get
cracking.
The Poet Laureate of Texas was more well-known for singing
about Mommas than Daddys, so it's no surprise that he sneaks her into this
song. But perhaps that's why Daddys all
across the Lone Star State love Willie, who once said "99% of the people
in the world did not end up with their first loves, and that's what keeps the
jukeboxes spinning." That quote has
nothing at all to do with Father's Day... or
does it?
If you haven't heard of Doug Sahm or the Sir Douglas Quintet
yet, then this is your true Father's Day present. Enjoy the hell out of it. But another item to examine is how
interchangeable the word "Daddy" and "Papa" is, or
isn't. Like explored
with "Momma" and "Mama" in an earlier post, there
exists an innate sexuality in the word "Daddy" that isn't necessarily
there with "Papa." How many
times have you boys landed a girl by telling her to "Come to Daddy"
or telling her, "Oh yes, that's what Daddy likes... right
there?" It happens. But in music, artists tend to lean toward Papa, with Papas in song being either
"Aggravatin'," "Easy Ridin'," "Eagle Ridin',"
"Kansas City," "Pig Meat," "Pistol Packin',"
"Do Right" or "Sweet."
But whatever it takes, just understand that within every woman, no
matter how beautiful she is, there is a Daddy Issue somewhere deep down inside
just waiting to be explored. So slap on
some old spice, rinse your mouth with bourbon and Pall Malls and get your
weekend started. And remember to tell
her, "Daddy wants some eggs and bacon in the morning."
Fathers everywhere:
If you want your child to be successful, you must run out on them. Sticking around will never do any child with
artistic inclinations any favors. So
step out for a beer, cigarette, whatever you have to do because a writer's life
is hard enough as it is.
I should be ashamed for including this tear-jerker, but not
everyone is fortunate enough to still have their fathers around to pick on and
jack with. Some of them never got to
experience their fathers' senses of humor evolving like I did. Perhaps Father's Day isn't a laughing matter
and for them, I offer this video because it will help get it all out.
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| See what happens when you put me in a dress? |
If you're like me and you get most of your facts from
Hollywood biopics, then you know from Walk
the Line that Johnny Cash's father was a dick. And you also know Johnny Cash was no saint to
his own kids. Way to keep it going. But if you're like me, you've written long
songs about fighting your father.
However, if you're like me, then your father wrestles cows for a living
and can probably still whip you so you're forced to move halfway across the
country to talk shit. So send him a tie
or forward this playlist to him or, better yet, this year get him what he's
always wanted: a paternity test.
Oh, and PS Dad: Just kidding. Happy Father's Day.
Did I miss any? Leave
them in the comments below.
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