There aren't many people who love their mother more than I
do. In fact, I can think of only three
people. ED GEIN, the Wisconsin killer
who inspired both Leatherface and Hannibal Lecter was so distraught when his
mother died, he began to make a "woman suit" out of the skins of his
prey. All this was to be closer to
mom. OEDIPUS so loved his mother that he
took her as his lover after having his father murdered. NORMAN BATES continued to dress as his mother
so that he could both quell her voice in his head and he could kill people
without guilt.
In my opinion, all three of those men love their mothers
more than me. Did you see three names
that WEREN'T on that list? Those names
would be my two brothers and sister who, no matter how deep I look into the
internet, haven't seem to posted any music to dedicate to the woman that
brought them into the world.
Oh well, Mother: nobody's perfect. You're batting .250, which is still worlds
better than Angels outfielder Josh Hamilton.
With no further ado, I present:
TOP TEN SONGS FOR MOTHER ON MOTHER'S DAY
MOMMA v MAMA. It's a
question we are faced with every day. If
you scoured the annals of music like I do, you will notice the disturbing trend
that MOMMA is typically attributed to motherhood, while MAMA is a word you would use for a what those in proper society call a M.I.L.F. (M stands forMAMA) or what those in properer society call
a COUGAR. In fact, most MAMAs can be found at juke
joints, bars, or road houses. Why did a
word like MAMA come to represent a sexually charged woman? I won't dabble into that subject just yet,
but you can bet your placenta I plan to revisit it before I let you out of
here. In the meantime, let's visit the various adjectives used with
MAMA when it comes to music. Why, some
MAMAs are "Two Fisted," "Pepper Sauce," "Pistol
Packin," "Ding Dong" or even "Drop Down." In other parts of the country, it is common
to have a MAMA be "Fujiyama," "Mamochka," "Piney
Woods," "Eagle Eyed," or for God's sake, even "Snaggle
Toothed." Be her "Long
Tall" or "Peach Orchard," enjoy both your MOMMA and your MAMA,
but be sure to note which is which.If you have a mother in-law half as cool as I do, then you probably make up songs about her all the time. But for those of you that don't, please enjoy this classic from New Orleans which inspired a great restaurant.
For those of you who enjoy being a douchebag to a waitress, please keep in mind you that could probably be "The Singing Brakeman's" mother. It probably isn't, but chances are it's somebody's mother. And that somebody may be bigger than you. I don't know how you were raised, but my MOMMA taught me not to go messing with someone bigger than me. Or a guy who sings a lot about his mother.
This generation defining hit is one song that just screams for a sequel. I'd love to hear how Will Smith would sing the song as an adult, and his mother still "ruining his rep." But, like other songs of the era, would never work with an older audience. Back in my day, some of the best songs were
about how much your parents were a drag. Whether your parents impeded your Right to Party, getting a Pepsi, or going out to kill tonight, it seemed like they were the ever present buzz kill of our youths. Not like today, where we love them dearly and cherish everything they do.
It's Mother's Day, so let's be sure to give her the classic I Told You So song, just for her.
My mother did not bring me up in a brothel, nor did she marry an alcoholic with wandering fingers. We lived in the same house and they are still married today. For a person who wants to grow up to be a writer, this is one of the worst kinds of upbringing.
One day, I will get my revenge.
All that being said above in Number Five, I wouldn't be who I am today if it weren't for the way I was raised. Moving from commune to commune may not represent the ideal childhood, but both my sister Rainbow and I grew up with no major issues. Whether it was traveling in our vegetable oil-fueled RV to the next Walter Mondale rally or hiding Mom's friends from the Weather Underground, I experienced many things that other kids probably didn't. Like wheat grass.
However, there are many less fortunate than I because their mothers may have gone on to Glory before them. Although Mother's Day may be a painful one, it should be no less special. For you, I offer up some of the greatest songs about missing Mom, from Washboard Chaz's "Mother Died" to "Mother's Only Sleeping" by Bill Monroe and his Blue Grass Boys, to the haunting "Mother" by John Lennon, there are several selections to choose from.
The issue of heredity is an important one. They say that a man gets his hair from the men on his mother's side of the family. If that is the case, then I have great news. Both my grandfather and uncle had full heads of hair when they passed away... at a very early age. Yes, I have no need to wear a seatbelt, say no to drugs, or pass on the next plate of barbecue because I also have inherited heart disease, diabetes, functional alcoholism and a cold sore that pops up twice per year. Thanks, mom.
The live
version also rocks.
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| Ed Gein available at Outsiders Art & Collectibles http://www.outsiders-art.com/ |
And let's not forget my mother's greatest contribution to the world: ME!!!
Happy Mother's Day!!
Did I miss any?
Please mention them in the comments below! With a side order of guilt!!!
Oedipus mistakenly killed his father himself and didn't know she was his mother when he married her. He poked his eyes out when he found out.
ReplyDeleteThis is the first mention I have seen of Ed Gein since he was in the midwestern newspapers in the 50's. I have a lampshade made of pigskin. Ed made his from human skin.