What I hope doesn't happen is that gun control proposals are
put in place and, after months or years of fighting and debating and screaming
and protesting, new rules are enacted and everyone pats themselves on the back,
wipes the dust from their hands and says "Good job," then goes out
for a beer. Because, if you ask me, guns
are only half the equation.
The real problem is that people are fucking crazy. However, no one has proposed a way to
legislate crazy. And I'm not talking
hobos getting sent from asylums once funding is cut, I'm talking people being
born crazy, being allowed to live crazy, and staying crazy until they are sent
to public institutions which are, lo and behold, packed to the gills with other
crazy people.
And some of them, thanks to big Pharmaceutical companies,
have been put on tons of drugs.
No, gun control is nowhere near the end-all be-all to this
problem. But it's a start and I don't
envy our president's job right now, but I know the best man is in place to do
it. I myself, a loud proponent of
population control or the apocalypse (whichever comes first), am probably the last person who's opinions should be
noted.
But, since you asked...
THE TOP TEN SONGS FOR
ARMED, CRAZY PEOPLE WHO WANT TO "GET" THE GIRL
Love Songs for the Pharmaceutical Generation
Because no girl of mine will stand to be shot with the bad
handgun. Which reminds me: Want to know
what "gun control" at my house is?
The missus said I can't have both a gun AND a bourbon
collection. I had to choose one.
The murder
ballad of "Little Sadie" is believed to inspire the events
detailed in the debut single for The Jimi Hendrix Experience. But, as music historians have discovered,
there are quite a few songs about a man shooting his woman and lighting out for
Mexico, so true sole authorship may never be found.
Drugs and guns have long been a driving force in
murder. The film Reefer Madness demonstrates the influence of the evil marijuana in
society. Johnny Cash's murder
ballad here inserts cocaine as the catalyst in a tryst gone wrong. I imagine the next batch of murder ballads
will detail what happens when you take an already whacked individual and dope
him up with Adderol, Prozac, or whatever the hell the youth of tomorrow are
getting juiced up with. Can't feel
pain... no shit. Some quack doctor in
the pocket of Big Pharma has sacrificed your child's sanity for the price of a
steak dinner and a single malt.
Oh, the irony doesn't stop there. A pacifist who sings the title above gunned
down by a lunatic. From the Cranberries to the Strange Boys, that
fateful night in December of 1980 has never stopped inspiring musicians. Some could argue that Mark David Chapman gave
birth to a new type of lunatic, one who looked past simple political assassinations,
but celebrity culture and stalking. This
act no doubt inspired another whack-job only three months later to attempt to
assassinate Ronald Reagan in order to impress Jodie Foster. This event spawned the Brady Bill, requiring
background checks on handgun purchases.
Trivia alert: this song which details a lovelorn woman's
distress at losing a man, is the first blues song ever recorded. At the song's conclusion, when she calls for
the undertaker man, is it for her or for her man that she cries? And in other versions, in a fit of despair,
she shoots a police officer.
Lightnin' is a man of mystery. He calls for someone to fetch his scatter
gun, but it's unclear if he uses it on the woman who done him wrong, or if it's
an idle threat. I have no idea what
"competition" is and would like to have that explained as well. You can squint your eyes and read it as a
sexual metaphor, as with many Hopkins songs, but I'm not sure that's the
reading that works. Anyway, great song
from a great artist.
You know the song: "T for Texas, T for
Tennessee." Rodgers, the
"Singing Brakeman," perfected the yodel, invented country music, and
released the first record to sell a million copies. What's hilarious is that his music is
described as having a "slightly dangerous undertone." In this million-record seller, he describes
shooting poor Thelma "just to see her jump and fall," then grabbing a
shotgun to finish off the rounder who stole his gal. Nothing "slight," and hardly an
"undertone."
Oh these cheeky lads were dangerous, scoring two songs in
the top ten. This little forgotten deep
track on the Rubber Soul album is
actually inspired by a line in Elvis Presley's "Baby, Let's Play
House." Surprised? You shouldn't be. Elvis' film image was that of a guy tough
with the ladies.
"If I had a great long pistol / I tell you what I would
do / I wouldn't go a-hunting rabbits / I'd go a-hunting you"
These songs are not a recent phenomenon. Munly's song was written in 1997, Guns And
Roses in the 80s, and everything else dates as far back as the beginning of the
20th Century. "I Don't Like
Mondays," by the Boomtown Rats, was about a school shooting, and it was
written in 1979. The situation with guns
isn't new, and neither is the fact that our population is overrun with
lunatics. But something has gone
horribly wrong and we have two choices before us: figure out what it is and fix
it, or turn up the music so everything else is drowned out.
If you've read this far, you're well- armed with the
ability to do either.
That's good knowledge picking out "Run for Your Life" on Rubber Soul. One of the most hateful songs John Lennon ever wrote -- but also a reflection of an attitude that was widespread then and still is.
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