The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

The holiday season is upon us. 

Some very ill-informed may tell you: hold up, holiday season doesn't start until Thanksgiving!  Calm yourself!  But these horrible wet blankets would be leaving out festivities that predate all other upcoming celebrations by a millennia or two.  I'm talking about Halloween, and it's the reason for the season.

Granted, it's a bit less fluffy than Christmas.  For on the days surrounding October 31, anything coming down the chimney will more or less be met with a machete.  While it does not attract throngs of family and/or loved ones, it does deliver throngs of strangers in costume to your door, begging for candy. 

Gone are the feasts, gone are the bells of the Salvation Army, gone is the heavy-handed solemnity accompanying the holiday, replacing any fun with guilt... There are no haunted house hayrides at Christmas.  Thanksgiving gives you pie, but little to no chance of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.  I'll stab my eyes out with a butcher knife if I see It's A Wonderful Life one more time, but I've seen every Friday the 13th at least eight times.  Leaves are turning and that's magic.

But there is one aspect of the later holidays that reigns superior: the presents.  For those of us that

SYMPHONY FOR THE DEVIL: TOP TEN SONGS ABOUT SATAN

In order to prevent taking sides and to represent a "fair and balanced" point of view, it is only fair that we follow up any Top Ten Lists representing one group with a Top Ten List representing the other.  And, let's be honest, shouldn't this be a Top Twenty list?  While I whittle down the musical canon celebrating Lucifer, so many remain on the cutting room floor.

But these are songs.  We leave the deeds by the wayside.  We can revel in the glory of all that God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit allegedly created, but it good cannot exist without evil, then should we not compare with the works from the other side?

Is the devil not credited with creating rock and roll?  Blues music?

If God gave us the gift of making love, do we thank Satan for the blowjob?

Jesus turned water to wine, but I'm more impressed with who turned water to bourbon.

Desserts are described interchangeably as "heavenly" and sinful."  "Angel Food Cake" competes with "Devil's Food Cake" on dessert menus.  There are more plants in the forest named for the dark prince than the fellers upstairs. 

More actors jump at the chance to play Satan than do God.  Robert DeNiro, Al Pacino, and Elizabeth Hurley, among others, have all rocked it out as the devil, while only Morgan Freeman and George Burns really made any waves as the Creator.  (Should be noted that in Oh God, You Devil, Burns gets to play both parts...  just sayin')

So again, I am not taking any sides.  To pontificate on religion in this day and age is a good way to get your head cut off and I like mine right where it is.  My point, as always, is about the music.  And so in an effort to remain "fair and balanced," I present:

 

THE TOP TEN SONGS ABOUT SATAN

10.  "Devil Inside" by INXS

What kind of devil must Michael Hutchence possessed to go from pictures in girls' Trapper Keepers to autoerotic asphyxiation?  (AUTHOR'S NOTE: I still suspect Bob Geldoff.  Look into it.)

 

9. "Devil is on His Way" by Joe Buck Yourself

No, this is not a band led by the most annoying sportscaster in history, but rather the stage name of former Th' Legendary Shack Shakers guitarist and Hank III bassist, Jim Finkley.  Finkley has another distinction in what unfortunately gets termed "alt-country:" he and his ex-wife founded the downtown Nashville rockabilly hot-spot, Layla's.  While Joe Buck Yourself is no longer associated with the venue, there's still plenty of sinning to be found at the Broadway hotspot.

 

Praise This: Top Ten Songs About Jesus

Yes, he loves you.  This I know.  But churching and gospel singers and hymnals do not own the market on songs of the Christian leader.  In fact, many rock and rollers and blues musicians have found that Bible-thumping keeps pretty good time. 

So in order to keep my place in line, I offer this Holy Top Ten List.

10. "No Telephone in Heaven" by The Carter Family

Disillusionment came early in music as The Carter Family discovers that God doesn't have everything in heaven, as is commonly preached in the hills.  This sweet song from the First Family of Music documents the trials of a young child who longs to speak with their departed mother, only to find she's gone somewhere not even Verizon can reach you.

9. "Jesus Built My Hotrod" by Ministry

This song has it all.  Driving speed metal beat, lyrics belted by the son of Dallas' Mr. Peppermint, and spoken word offerings written by the greatest writer in the Southern Gothic pantheon.  The song, released in 1991, offers a point of view on Jesus' career previous to being a prophet.