For the first time ever, I have enjoyed watching a community
grow over the past five years. I have
lived all over the South. My hometown
was destroyed by a tornado and is now a shadow of what it once was (and it was
never much to begin with). I lived in
antediluvian New Orleans (and honestly, would probably kill to live there
now). I summered in St. Louis during the
flood of 1993 and lived in Dublin, Ireland, before the Celtic Tiger was
declawed.
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Then I stopped to think about what I needed from Chapel
Hill. I came up with two answers: Local
506, and they stand between me and Carrboro.
I admit, sometimes Franklin St., despite being frozen in the 1990s, is
fun to drive down on my way to the Cat's Cradle or the ArtsCenter, but as far
as the rest of it goes, I don't need it.
For the rest of my days, if I have to meet someone in Chapel Hill, I
will be packing a lunch or carrying a flask, because I will not spend one
dollar there.
And if I do go, I'm rounding up my biggest, baddest,
pipe-hittingest criminals, so hide yo kids, hide yo wife, Chapel Hill. And to pump ourselves up for the ride, we
will be slipping into the tape deck:
TOP TEN SONGS ABOUT
DURHAM, NORTH CAROLINA
While it's a bit of a stretch, this song is actually about
Western Kentucky tobacco farmers and their battle with JB Duke's American
Tobacco Company during the Black Patch Tobacco War during the early 1900s. You see, before Duke was a basketball
powerhouse, it was a tobacco monopoly, and the farmers in Western Kentucky
feared their prices were being set too low for them to earn a decent
living. So they banded together, donned
hoods, and rode through the countryside, terrorizing farmers who cooperated
with Duke. Not only did these events
inspire the lyrics of Col. JD Wilkes and his Legendary Shack Shakers, but also
Robert Penn Warren's first novel, Night
Riders.
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I can't stand rap music, but in the wake of the Daily Tar Heel article, I am perfectly
fine with them building speakers and playing this song on a continuous loop
right there at the I-40 border between